Using twitter to make new friends

Using twitter to make new friends

Normally people sign up with twitter and read a book about it and then start using twitter support programs. I recommend the book The Twitter Book by Tim O’Reilly and Sarah Milstein

Twitter is nice but even nicer if you use TweetDeck to interface to it. Just go to www.tweetdeck.com and sign up. Like Twitter, it’s is free.

Using twitter I find people with a common interest. Or I find people who are micro blogging (tweeting) about something I am interested in. I can search the vast twitter buzz for specific terms.

If you are not following anyone yet, then think of a topic you are interested in and a few search terms related to that, and enter them in the search box, or on Tweetdeck make a new column and enter the search terms for that column. To illustrate this I can use the 50s singer Buddy Holly. I love Buddy Holly and feel I could be at least somewhat interested in anyone who also appreciates Buddy Holly.

I typed in Buddy Holly and found lot of hits. I reviewed these looking for interesting posts with interesting profile pictures. I went to some of the associated twitter sites or associated websites and looked around.

I found someone interesting and sent them a reply to one of their tweets. This person said they miss Buddy Holly so I replied asking why. Maybe latter I will discover that this person has replied back (Yes, they have). In any case what I do is keep contacting Holly fans or find a new interest and search for that also.

Eventually I will get a conversation going with someone. When I follow someone I hope that they will follow me back. I will suggest that they follow me so we can send direct messages (DMs).

Latter I can write longer stuff on my blog and then send my new friends a link. By using Twitter, Tweetdeck and a Blog, I can communicate in depth. Latter we can exchange emails and then chat over Gmail/talk – a back and forth text based communication. Gmail/talk also allows voice and video. In some cases we may decide to use Skype which provides for desktop sharing.

If people get interested in me based on the initial replies they can look at my twitter page which will give them my profile and my blog URL. On my blog I list the topics that I Tweet about. This way people can get the big picture of what I am interested in: Friendships Online and Off: What makes them work.

Finding lady friends on Twitter vs a dating site

A year after my wife died my sister told me about a ballroom dance place. I went there, and eventually people told me about other dance at other places. I went there, and people told me about other places. People gave me ideas about where to get dance lesson and I followed their advice. If at one of the dances I would meet a lady who became a GF I would then --- drop out of the dance scene and hang out with the new lady, and get into her social circle, her friends, her church, etc. Meeting ladies at dances does not promote a really good match on important characteristic and values.

Normally I would not meet a new lady from the current ladies circle. After we broke up I would go back to the dance scene. I wondered about myself: Why am I not going after the kind of lady that I always thought I would like. Why am I not figuring out how to meet ladies that I would have a strong interest in, based on strong characteristics. Why don’t I figure out what I want and go directly to it.

Then it occurred to me that internet dating would be a way to go. There you post a profile and search for ladies that have a picture and profile that you like. I tried it and it sort of worked. But I found out there are lots of ladies that I don’t have a strong mental attraction to. I had some interesting dates but no real meeting of the minds, no real connection.

Now I am trying to meet new friends, and possible a lady, using social media. There with all the micro blogs and blogs and pictures … it is much easier to get a handle on the characteristics of the people you follow. On a dating site it is much harder to start a conversation because you know so little about the other person. Also it is hard to find out about the other person. With something like Twitter, you can find out more about the person. On a dating site the other person can hide a lot from you. On Twitter there is a social network that tends to bring out the persons real situation.

What I tweet and blog about

My life, my personal life, my experience back in college after retirement.

The turning points in my life.

My personal interests such as jazz, piano, guitar, vibraphone.

I about a book I am writing: Friendships Online and Off.

What makes friendships work?

What are the most the binding common interests?

What does social psychology, psychology or neuroscience say about it.

How to develop a solid life style. Best ways to work, exercise, eat and play.

How to be social. How to have a conversation.

Internet social media and the principles of social psychology

Science and technology. Google anything.

Development in the news

Platonic Relationships

Are platonic relationships a good thing?
Are they possible?
How difficult are they to maintain?

Is it OK for a man, John, in an exclusive romantic relationship with a woman, Jane, to have a non-sexual relationship with another lady, Ann?

We consider that following situation:

Ideally, John’s relationship to Jane involves friendship, romance and sex.
Ideally John’s relationship to Ann involves friendship but no sex.

I think it would be very normal for Jane to be at least somewhat jealous of Ann.
No one is totally secure. Jane would wonder what is the true relationship between John and Ann. Ann may actually have, or develop, sexual feelings for John; after all she likes him as a friend. Also John may actual have or develop sexual feelings for Ann; after all He likes her as a friend. And couples have their ups and downs: John and Jane may go thru times when the “magic” is gone from their relationship. After over-exposure to Jane, John may find that he is sexually attracted to Ann.
If a sexual attraction develops between John and Ann, should they break off the platonic relationship? Or should they continue on the idea that attraction is normal but they can be strong and not yield to it, that their relationship is too important to be destroyed by acting on sexual feelings? What if Ann is very sexually attractive --- is it reasonable for Jane to think there is no sexual attraction between John and Ann?
Is it believable that John is not attracted to a sexy Ann? Is it believable that, if John were attracted to Ann, he would be not act out?
Does John have the time and energy to enjoy romantic relationship with Jane and the platonic relationship with Ann? Or does he find that he has no energy left for Ann? Would John have a tendency to compare Jane and Ann?
When John starts up the relationship with Ann, is he being honest to clam that it is platonic? Or is that a cover for his real intentions with Ann? Does John know, himself, his real intentions with Ann? Can Jane trust that John is only interested in a platonic relationship with Ann? Can Ann trust that John is only interested in a platonic relationship with her?
What kinds of things can John and Ann do together? Can they watch TV alone at Ann’s house? Can John every have Ann over to the house with Jane? Does John have Ann over to the house when Jane is out? What is John’s motivation? Why does he want or need a platonic relationship? When does John tell Jane about Ann? Is Ann someone that John met on his own or is she a friend of Jane’s?
How is John’s time divided between Jane and Ann? How does John manage his responsibility to Jane and Ann?
I think that most people believe that platonic relations are a normal part of life. But on the other hand we are all aware that they are many challenges with them.

Comparing Skype with Twitter

Comparing Skype with Twitter

I can go on Skype to find someone to chat with. I can find a person for one-on-one personal chat. We can do video, voice and text – so Skype is a lot of fun. The chat is back and forth immediately. On twitter the chat is not so immediate. Each person does a micro blog. On twitter you are sort of talking to yourself. On Skype you usually get connected to someone right away. And that personal connection keeps you interested for hours. You can find people by city. Skype has a SkypeMe option which means that these people want to chat with anyone who calls them. You can see who is on line. Conversation on Skype, with some exceptions, are civil. On twitter there are no conversations. I met new friends on Skype right away. I have not met anyone on twitter. I have not had a “conversation” on twitter. I have had 100s of conversations on Skype. With Skype you can search for people by city, see if they are online, send them an opening message and very likely they will chat with you for a while maybe hours. Nothing like that happens with Twitter. Twitter is for people who want to broadcast their ideas or products far and wide. With twitter you are putting your ideas out there; with Skype you are having fun socializing.

On Skype you have contacts. On twitter you have followers. Or you are following someone. With Twitter you can be passive. You can just follow interesting people or programs like what is on the discovery channel. You can micro blog your ideas or talk about your sex life or private parts -- out to millions of people who are not paying attention. With skype you are talking to one or more people or a group but not to the whole world. With Twitter you have the potential of getting your message to millions of people but in actuality if they are not paying attention to you, zero people will ever actually read your message.